It’s getting to be bathing suit season, and so there is a lot of talk about getting bathing suit ready. Presumably, in our culture, “bathing suit ready” means endless squats, lunges, push ups, ab work, spin classes, bootcamp classes, running and generally beating the sh*t out of our bodies.

I stood at the podium at center stage and surveyed the auditorium.

The balcony was empty, as were most of the first floor seats, save for my 20 or so eighth grade classmates.

“O.Henry,” I began. “Who was he?”

Sometimes when people ask me hard questions, I give a pat answer.

Co-worker: Have you seen the stapler?

Me: I have pants on. What more do you want from me?