I’ve been pretty stuck this last month.
Call it being busy with life. Call it working full time at a gym while also running my own business with Kim Lloyd Fitness.
Call it buying a house for the first time in my life….
Call it the depression that I battle on a regular basis; the depths and magnitude of which I still don’t always understand.
Whatever name I give it - the end result is the same. I’ve been very stuck, especially in my writing. I know that my boss Doug sets a timer, sits down and pounds out a blog post every morning. I admire his diligence in that process.
Lately for me, when I sit down, I feel like I’ve lost my ability to speak. It’s unnerving. And strange. And scary. I believe it’s part of the groundlessness I’ve felt ever since the sudden passing of a beloved client here at the gym.
I’ve done plenty of writing over the past few weeks - plenty of bits and pieces. But that’s all they are. Bits and pieces. I start, I stop - I re-read, I second guess. I stop.
And then I have to move on - to the next appointment - to work - to a call with a client - to packing yet another box of Pittsburgh Steelers’ stuff. (I’ve now filled six boxes…with more to go…). Before I know it, I’ve gone three weeks without publishing a post on this site.
I’ve had several days in the past week and a half where I’ve said - today is the day - I will publish a post today, no matter how bad it is.
And I haven’t done it.
I just can’t seem to pull the trigger.
I try not to give too much advice when I write my blogs. In part because it makes me sound like Dear Abby, and in part because what do I know? Who am I to try to give anyone else advice? I’m pretty much my own special shit show, so I don’t need to try and tell anyone how to do anything.
But because I work in fitness and am exposed to clients, behaviors, and questions on a daily basis, I feel like I’m gaining a better sense of what works and doesn’t work. But ultimately, all I can do is offer observations and generalizations and let you make of it what you will.
We all get stuck periodically - we all have days where it feels like we’re moving through mud - and days where our feet feel cemented in place. Days where we feel lonely, unappreciated, overwhelmed, and just flat out wiped.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt stuck with something. And it won’t be the last. But I know that the only way out is through - so I’ll keep moving, no matter how slow. I’ll keep sitting down to my computer - writing on a napkin at Starbucks. I’ll keep catching bits and pieces and I will eventually write a post that, I hope, has some meaning. I'll find a way to get unstuck.
And you will get unstuck with whatever it is that feels hard for you right now. Maybe it’s exercise - getting to the gym in the summer - maybe it’s nutrition - too many picnics and parties and weddings. What we won’t do, is throw in the towel. (The towels in Pittsburgh might be terrible, but we don’t throw them).
What we will do, is ask for help wherever we need it. Someone to help us do the things we don’t feel like doing. Go to the gym, choose a healthier lunch, take a walk on the beach instead of crawling on the couch.
I had a friend once tell me to "act against it." If I felt like staying on the couch, then I needed to force myself to do the opposite. That's not easy to do. But it has been good advice through the years. I've discovered though, that the only way to "act against it" is to solicit the help of a friend.
I’m not sure what you might be struggling with right now. I hope you're not struggling with anything at all. But if you are, I guess I'll just end by saying that you're not alone in your struggle, whatever it may be.
And if I can do anything to help, let me know.
Be kind to yourself.